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Sunday, July 29, 2012

Confessions of a Poser

Everyone had that pair of Nikes that they truly believed made them run a little faster. Why? Because the awesome guy with frosted tips on the commercial jumped so high, those shoes had to be yours. It was the only way to rival your playground frenemy.

In my case, coolness came in the form of Bonne Bell lip gloss. The older girls at church debuted it, the little tubes dangling from their car key chains. Oh, and they had cars. Awesome. Never has there been (or will be) so much coolness in a Young Women’s room. Not long after I saw the older girls with it, Heather Pittman, aka “Tether Heather” donned similar Bonne Bell kissers…from a holographic tube. Obviously, I needed to pop some of that in the shopping cart on Mom’s next shopping trip to blow people’s minds with my hip self, and improve my tether ball game, simultaneously.

My dabbling in the art of all things incredible didn’t end with Bonne Bell. Attending middle school in the country’s most fashion forward city, Albuquerque, I was quick to learn that tying ribbons on my backpack handles and zippers was the cutting edge trend. Backpack couture at it’s curlicued finest, and it likely took years to catch on in Milan.

Obviously, I’ve always been just really, really cool.

Well, now that that big 2-6 is approaching, you’d think I’d stop being such a follower. But, no. I recently found a new idol that has replaced Marykateandashley (one person) (sorry I’ve betrayed you Marykateandashley) (I will reconsider when you decide to come out of your unfortunate Homeless Stage that’s lasted a decade).


Um, did you watch the Bachelorette!!? Never had I watched a full season, and I AM IN LOVE WITH HER. No, really. Are you? Please? Because I feel like a complete stalker. It’s actually embarrassing, but now that the Fish Filet is in the open, shame doesn’t stop me. I like all things Emily Maynard. Isn’t she probably the cutest girl you’ve never met? I’ve even been working on my Southern accent.

Just kidding.

I was innocently messing around online one day, and by the time day turned to night, I’d come across photos, tons of clothes, and—GOLDMINE—THIS website. Oh yeah, baby. Now, Emily wears Towne and Reese, so I bought Towne and Reese. She wears Stella and Dot, so I bought Stella and Dot. It’s like that old Mom-adage: If Emily jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?  Uh, let me be the first to tell you, if my fake best friend Emily jumped while on a show, I’d DVR it, rewatch it a few times, check out her awesome outfits and sweet tan, buy the knock-off, cheap-o versions of it all, and then, yes. And I’d be smiling the whole time, because I’d think I’d look like her. Success.


Just one example of earrings I bought so I can pretend I'm her.

I know I will one day wince at the continuation of my obsession to emulate who I deem cool, but for now, I’d appreciate any confessionals that you do the same thing. Do you have a little poser in you? If not, I’m a total loser. BUT—wait until you see the new Emily-inspired jewelry collection of this loser.

6 comments:

Sarah Beck said...

Um I love this! And yes I feel the same way! I haven't painted my finger nails in years but after the finale I decided I needed to go out and buy nail polish that matched Emily's and paint them. I know, lame! Find comfort in knowing you are definitely not alone! I'm obsessed.

C&C said...

Even though I am an avid bachelor/bachelorette watcher, I definitely thought this season was going to be boring with Emily. At times it was, but it was worth watching just to see what she would be wearing. Seriously! closet envy.

Kimmi Rea said...

I LOVE YOU!!! haha you are possibly one of the funniest girls ever to have a blog. and YES i love EMILY!!

Amy Vanus said...

i. love. you. and i'm so obsessed with her too!!

Marcella said...

Love the Bonnie Bell stuff! I remember those days. :) I have crush on her too. Seriously. She is so beautiful inside and out. Love LOVE love her style. Her man is cute too. I hope they last because I love them. They make me happy. :) Cutest couple ever.

Natalie said...

you never cease to blow my mind