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Thursday, May 19, 2011

I made $10 million in Vegas.


...says Romney. The other morning, I woke up much earlier than I ever like to volunteer at a Mitt Romney campaigning event. “National Call Day,” to be specific. Let’s be honest…my 8 AM laps around the convention center in pink Sperry’s collecting donation papers probably wasn’t much help. Actually, yes. Yes it was. I helped march those $10 million worth of donation papers (ahem, many candidates don’t raise that much money their whole campaign) up to the financial guys, knowing perfectly well I could be sliced with a massive paper cut at any moment, and since I chanced bloodshed, I like to believe I was essential in the fund raising. Either way, I now have a great new addition to my wardrobe—a giant “Romney: Believe in America” shirt that will be a fashion essential should I become extremely obese by the time next November rolls around (which I wouldn’t rule out). Brian was busy tagging heels at Nordstrom in anticipation for the big sale next week, so he missed out on hearing Romney give a little kick-off speech. I usually LOVE listening to presidential debates and speeches, and not because of the politics, really. I just love a powerful speaker. You can rule the world with eloquent wording. And, hello? Obama’s address to the country after Osama was killed? Patriotism articulated beautifully. Mr. Romney was less attention holding, but I guess the combination of discussing The Economy (it’s now a proper noun since it’s basically a living person, I’ve decided) with a PowerPoint of discouraging numbers makes my brain turn off after about 10 minutes. Maybe it’s an emotional defense mechanism, preventing me from passing out after contemplating my future life working a third job at McDonald’s and stuffing my K-mart purse full of stolen filets of fish just to feed my starving family at home, all after The Economy takes another hit. Okay, that’s not what Mitt said, but that’s what the numbers looked like to me. Still, it was fun to get caught up in the excitement of the campaign AND see my long lost friend Rachel, who was in town for the event!! Unfortunately no picture, because duh. I don’t take pictures unless it’s an international affair or something. Oh, and because my camera was in my purse, tossed in a pile at the entrance. To a convention center. THEY HAD ME LEAVE MY PURSE IN THE FRONT OF A CONVENTION CENTER WITH EVERYONE ELSE’S! And I obliged. Ugh.


Since I’m being so politically active, may I also mention I would be excited if John Huntsman were to run for president? You may have guessed I am not voting for Obama next year, unless he forces The Economy to be best-ies with Public Education, or bedazzle the Statue of Liberty; both of which are equally as unlikely. I won’t bash Obama, because I think he’s a really nice guy, and I agree with him here and there. Among other issues, his over-involvement in college sports and commentating on ESPN was what put me over the edge. Oh, and did the un-jailed rappers who voted for him since he “understands the struggle.” I’m looking at you Maino and Nas. I’d like you to move out of the White House, Obama, but next door to me! You seem to have a fun family and great marriage. You and Brian can make basketball brackets together every March, while Michelle and I go read to young children at elementary schools, because the school districts will probably forgo professional teachers altogether and simply ask for volunteers. I will do this happily, unless the scheduling conflicts with my McDonald’s job, in which case Michelle can go without me and I’ll come back later with filets of fish for all! See, the transition from White House to our neighbor would be easy and fun.

6 comments:

michael. mindy. dane. said...

i know that i'm like comment mcgee on your blog. don't mind the creeper that is me. pink sperrys? um..want some. now. obviously that, to me, was the most important part of this post.

Natalie said...

just so you know.
you are the only person I have EVER seen eat a filet o fish. Way to go on supporting Romney, he can get the economy to where it needs to be in order to afford the jewels to bedazzle the statue of liberty.

the hawker's said...

Hilarious! So happy I read this post this morning!

leila said...

I love your blog. If I could remember my password, I'd write on mine too!!

*amy egbert* said...

Love this!!! I can't believe you risked bloodshed. That is true patriotism :)

Rick said...

I love reading your blog Ashton. I actually find what you write interesting, unlike the rest of my friends that make an attempt at this stuff. Keep it up!